Sometimes I wonder why everyone doesn't have a dog (or two), and then I come home from work (cleaning up dog shit) to piles of diarrhea splattered all over my bedroom carpet (and onto my blue fluffy slippers). Many hours after the initial scrubbing session I'm finally crawling into bed. Wondering why the stink persists (I scoop diarrhea all day, and this is exceptionally horrible), I look under the bed to find three more piles with impressively dispersed splatters. My bed is only eight inches off the ground, requiring Joy to army crawl underneath in order to create this surprise. Furthermore, my room is not large enough for me to move my bed more than half its width in any direction, requiring several attempts to get at all the diarrhea, smearing some piles and collecting others in goopy rings around the bed legs. Finally able to access the most offensive deposit, I find it hardening into the rug's once thick and fluffy fringe. At this point I'd have to pole vault in order to get from one side of my room to the other without stepping in the massive wet spot. You'd think an elephant vomited a gut full of sewage on my carpet.

Also, why in god's name don't they put carpet cleaner in bottles capable of spraying at an angle other than vertical? Are all these "spot and stain removers" for fucking tapestries?

The Prince of my dreams

...is a primieval animal physic with ferret sidekicks. Ah, BeastMaster, my favorite show of the 90s. So popular in it's three glorious seasons that it's website is no longer functional, alas.

Luckily, the Austrailians have more appreciation for the primieval blond highlights, suspiciously orange-tinged tan, obvious green screens, shameless shirtless opportunities, and repetitive plotlines. Here's their synopsis: "Dar, the Beastmaster and last survivor of his tribe, wanders the ancient lands, seeking out his beloved Kira, defending the animals he controls, and pitting his might against various sorcerers and tyrants. He protect those he care for and all the animals."

I think his ferrets travel in the loin cloth. Totally rocked when I was 13.

As long as I'm being picky, I'd also like a prince who never gets sick, loves to go swimming, and is a man among men with a beard who is kind to little people.

Oo, good one

Mine oh mine

http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/photos/60237671_zpid/

also cool...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AewuFIlsZ1Q&feature=related

Show jumping without the head injuries!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AewuFIlsZ1Q&feature=related

What are your career goals for life?

Who knew that filling out a million and a half applications could lead to increased self-awareness? Forced to answer, I kinda dug up some reasonably focused ambition.

"I would like to work in sustainable agriculture in some capacity and hope to contribute to the pool of ideas that will bring us into a better relationship with our planet. I would like to spread my passion for healthy and ethical consumption to others and help to change the materialistic and damaging patterns of our culture. With farming and ranching I would like to find ways to make sustainable and humane production profitable, especially concerning animal welfare."